There are few ideas I think of more often than the concept of time. The, however foolish, way I understand time is that it is a constant, as defined, interpreted and created by society. It’s a socially constructed idea that would continue to exist without said definition — time goes on without its acknowledgment. What?

As with every new year, I’m prone to those awful pensive state of minds where I can’t help but rant about my discontents about this arbitrary time of new found goals, the shortcomings of society, the educational system — anything really. [Exhibits A-Z of my cynicism and negativity: On people becoming increasingly banal, on being skeptical of NY resolutions, on arbitrary ambition, on — this one is just really me being incoherent and trying to sound like a smart 16 year-old, on apathy, on being devoid of personal emotions, etc. See the archives.]

This year, hopefully as a sign of growth and progress, I will transcend beyond those diatribes.

Anyway, as the frou frou statement, “As I grow older…” goes — As I grow older (and wiser, I hope), I’ve realized that:

• 1. My blog is completely personal. I used to justify its impersonal nature by deflecting any indication of personal (How do you noun this? Personality? Ah, personal “feelings.” Whatever.) by separating myself as a person and my actions, etc. from my thoughts and ideas. Then, it dawned on me that if you haven’t got your beliefs, ideas, alongside your actions and experiences, who are you? So, this is me. Supposedly.
• 2. When I was 15, I looked 20. Now that I’m 20, I look 15 again. Cruel joke, reconstructive surgery.
• 3. I’m privy to the universe’s “coincidences.” Yeah, I’m in on the joke(s). These coincidences and circumstances that I find myself in nowadays — they’re comic relief from the dullness that is my everyday life (work, dinner parties, and classes that get in the way of the former, etc.). It’s kind of like the village idiot in Cinema Paradiso (I just watched the 3-hour director’s cut with my sister last night) who comes out to the town square every now and then, proclaiming “This is my square!” Those circumstances — kind of like that. This is my square!
• x. Okay, fine. My new year’s resolution is to not be such a wet blanket. I should also cease any behaviors that would make others suspect that I am a robot (e.g. not having feelings, not crying — as to not short circuit myself or something, sleeping in an electronic blanket, putting chips in my shoes while running, etc.).