It’ll all make sense, I promise.

SJ time: Has anyone else noticed those “Report drunk drivers, call 911″ electronic signs sprinkled around the freeways? Has anyone wondered what that entailed? I’ve made my fair share of trips to and fro along 280 and these signs just completely bewilder me. Say you do call the emergency hotline–911–to report a drunk driver. What information would you give? The license plate number I’m assuming? Then? Would the… omnipotent California Highway Patrol rush to your alleged drunk driver, who happens to be a moving target no less? Alright, if that doesn’t seem silly; what if the person you are calling in about isn’t even drunk? How would you go about proving this? I’m hoping they don’t have the authority to arbitrarily send you a ticket based on someone’s calling you in. Aren’t you sober until proven otherwise?

I am all for highway safety, but this has got to be the most ineffective and faulty plan. Maybe I’ll report a friend to see what happens… or rather, report myself! Talk about the consequences of curiosity. If someone knows how this system works, please spare me the trouble of reporting myself. Am I just being completely insensible and cynical? (I wouldn’t put it past me.)

Now for everything right of the ampersand: cocktail parties. I just want to go to a swanky New Year’s Eve party… with hors d’oeuvres and confetti noise makers. That’s all.